There Has to Be a Better Way!

I had a wicked bout of insomnia two weeks ago, and sometimes when I was not sleeping, I was watching infomercials (don't worry, I didn't clean out the fridge again). They are so funny, and always seem to use the same formula.

1. Show us how difficult our life is now. How can we possibly boil pasta/organize our closets/cut through a penny/open a carton of milk?? It's just too hard! There has to be a better way!
2. Show us a revolutionary new product that will change everything!! Now that we can boil pasta/organize our closets/cut through a penny/open a carton of milk, everything in our lives will be better! We will be happier, healthier, and more beautiful! Our families will get along! Our pets will be well behaved!
3. Throw in 'the extra'. Most of the time this is something that will allow us to get it done better and faster. All for the same low price! And if we call now, we get free shipping!

I've haven't bought anything from an infomercial (yet). I am an impulsive shopper at night (I did buy a magazine subscription, though. What? It was only $3.99 for a year!) so one of these days I'm sure I will. I have bought a few things that I've seen on TV at elsewhere:

• The Perfect Pancake- I'm not sure why it seemed so hard to turn a pancake over. I had plenty of spatulas in the drawer. It does not work like it should, though, there is a gap in the side and your pancakes will slide out if you're not fast! Don't even get me started with eggs...
• The Bumpit- I've always wanted big hair. All nature gave me was thin straight hair, though. I ordered my bumpit off eBay for a low low price of $8.00. It came from Hong Kong, so it took almost a month to get here. The next week I saw them at Walgreens for $9.00. Three weeks of big hair, wasted. Even though I had to wait for it, the bumpit was a dream come true (have you ever noticed how gross that looks written down??) I had a huge lovely bump! Until the day a guy asked me in church if I was wearing a bumpit. Honeymoon. Over. The bumpits (still looks gross. I may never get over this) now sit in a basket in my bathroom collecting dust, and I have returned to teasing my hair.

There are a few things I still want:

• A Snuggie- People might make fun of it, but I would be typing on my computer nice and cozily right now, instead of having cold arms if I had one...
• A Subakawa Cloud Pillow- It's like sleeping on a cloud! And (if you haven't seen this infomercial) you can totally put an egg under your pillow, drop a 10 pound weight on it, and it won't break! I could finally sleep with eggs under my pillow!!
• Pajama Jeans- Do I really need to explain? They're pajamas that look like jeans!!