It is 9:12 on a Thursday night, and I am at work. Given my usual practice of running out of the building as soon as it is 7:00, this is a bit surprising. (This sounds like the talk of someone who hates her job, I don’t, I just figure that I give 100% to the company 40 hours a week, and I don’t really feel the need to give them much more). I am still here at 9:16 because the front desk guy is on vacation, and I can think of about 100 things to do with the overtime money! While I can think of 100 things to do, I will only do one: put it toward my credit card bill. I am happy to report that I was able to reach my goal of finding $100 more to put into my bill this month. I will have paid off this card in 2 ½ more months! I can’t even tell you how amazing that feels.
In class last night my instructor was talking about self fulfilling prophecies, and how powerful our words about ourselves are. I started thinking about all the negative things I say about myself and my life on a daily basis. I am too fat, too lazy, my toenails aren’t painted just right, my hair looks bad, I haven’t done my laundry, my room is messy, my homework isn’t done, I’m too loud. I go on and on talking about the things I don’t like, which only emphasizes them. There is a person at work who always gets on me for criticizing myself, and it has made me so much more aware of how much I do it. This is bad not only because it makes me a more negative person, it also places my attention all on me, and doesn’t let me see the needs of others. I’m trying really hard to get my life where it needs to be right now, and this is just one more thing to put on the list.