Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Today I got something I thought I really wanted. The thing I thought would make my life so much better was given to me. And it didn't help. In fact, I actually feel worse now.

I think this is true of a lot of things in my life. I am not one to sit around and wish for something. If I really want something to happen, I'll make it happen no matter what. There have been times in my life when I am pushing for something I want, and a little voice is telling me to stop, turn around, go a different direction. But I don't listen. I press on, blindly, stupidly until I get what I want, which is never what I thought it would be. It never makes me happy.

It's hard for me to sit back and trust that good things are going to happen, and that there is something bigger happening in my life then I can see right now. I don't want to look back and see that my whole life was spent waiting for things to happen to me, but I also don't want to see that I ran around my whole life looking for something that does not exist.

I know I'm not making much sense right now, but then again, neither is my life these days!

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