Oops, I Did it Again

So I have this bad habit of not being able to say no to anything. It's not that I am a push over, or that I hate letting people down, I just like to be involved, and really want to do everything. So I have the tendency to take on too much, and then complain about how stressed I am. Every time I do it, I swear it will never happen again. And then it does.

So it turns out the classes I am doubling up on are both really time consuming. Bad time to double up. And I am going to New Mexico two weekends in a row for my little sister's graduation, and to see my new niece! And my grandma is visiting. And I just got called to serve as the enrichment counselor for the Relief Society. All of these things are so exciting (other than the classes!) and I love every single one of them, but everything at the same time?? Plus work has been crazy the past couple of weeks.

I want to crawl under my bed and come out in a month when this is all over, but I have tons of stuff stored under there, and we are having an ant problem, so it wouldn't be very comfortable. I always come out of these situations just fine, so I'm sure it will work out again. And maybe this time I will learn my lesson!

Think Positive. Well, Sort Of!

I have A LOT of homework that is due tomorrow. I have done very little of it. At this time I need to do a Venn diagram on three learning theories of second language learners, and put together my presentation on language placement tests. And so I am writing a blog, of course!

Life is good. At times, I am so happy I could sing and dance around! But when I do that people point and stare, which makes me less happy, so I try not to... I just wish I wasn't so bored at work, but I'm thinking of ways to change that right now.

I was talking to my roommate last weekend about my weight gain since I moved to Texas. I was telling her that when I lived in Arizona I was the skinniest I have ever been, and yet when I looked in the mirror I only saw flaws. This made me realize that I was never going to be happy about the way I looked, so I decided to change my perspective. Even though it was SO hard, I changed the way I thought. Every time I had a negative thought about myself, I stopped and replaced it with a positive one. At first it seemed so fake, but eventually it became second nature, and I rarely have a negative thought about my body these days. When I look in the mirror I see me, and some days I even see someone beautiful, which is still strange.

This change is a really good thing, but I'm wondering if I need to give my body some tough love. I've been running lately, and I realize I have NO endurance. When I went swimming I could barely do a 50 without gasping for air. And I've gained 20 pounds. And moved up two pant sizes. I think I may have loved my body fat!

On a more positive note, I am 15 days soda free!!! Woo hoo!!!

Good News

Week 2, Day 2 of Running

I can walk! Barely...

Ugh

I decided last night was a good time to start running again.

I can't walk today.

It's the Climb

Lately I have been bored. I get this restless feeling every so often. I blame it on my super short attention span (which is also the reason that I never have seen any movies people talk about). When I get like this I want to move, to find something new or exciting to make me interested in my life again, and to remind me that I can do hard things. I love San Antonio, I love my life, and I am just starting to feel at home here, but I am so bored. I know this is a defect in me. It's just not possible, or a good idea, to reinvent my life every year or so, but I am not sure how to overcome it. When I start a task what I want is to master it. I want to figure out the most efficient way to get it done, and once I do that, I'm done. I've mastered my job, I've mastered getting around San Antonio, and I'm pretty much done. But I can't leave here at least until I'm done with school, and I don't think that leaving is the right thing to do. I've always envied people who have long term friends, people who have known each other forever, and I thought it was something I wanted, but how is that possible for me, when I move so often and never give myself a chance to get to know anyone? It has become very clear to me lately that all the things I want, or think I want, don't fit together, and I can't seem to decide what is the most important.

It always seems like a song comes out that describes just how I am feeling at a particular moment. The song that is speaking to me right now is The Climb by Miley Cyrus. I'm mentally making fun of myself that my current theme song is sung by a teenage Disney star whose father is famous for having an Achy Breaky Heart, sometimes things just fit.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!