Four Months

I can't believe it! Jules was four months old yesterday!

She had her four month checkup on her month birthday, along with another round of shots (no fun). Her height and weight were in the 43rd percentile, and her head was in the 90th! That must be why she's so smart, right??

She has started to giggle this month! Steve is much better at making her laugh, I guess he's just funnier than I am? She has also started to grab onto toys and try to put them in her mouth. She loves chewing on fingers, and I'm pretty sure I felt the start of a tooth on her gum this week! She is also able to sit up with support, so she doesn't want to lay down as much. When she's in a bouncer or her car seat she tries to pull herself forward to sit up. She is SO close to rolling over. She can get from her back to her right side, but can't quite figure out how to make it the rest of the way. 

Her hair is starting to fill in, and it's looking pretty dark right now. I'm still hoping she'll get some of Steve's curls! 

It is so fun to watch her learn every day! 

Feedback

I've found that it's really difficult to tell someone that you are struggling with something. When you tell someone you're feeling particularly ugly that day, it's like they are obligated to say "Oh no, you're beautiful!" Which is probably a good thing. I don't really want someone to agree that I look like a cow that has been run over by a dump truck.

When you tell someone that you feel overwhelmed as a new parent, they say it's normal, and that you're doing great. But sometimes I know that's a lie. I am not always doing great. Sometimes I suck. But really, I don't need anyone to agree that forgetting to bathe my baby for a week makes me a bad mother.

But sometimes it would be nice to be able to get an honest opinion about something. I think that's where websites like Hot or Not came to be. Remember that? It was a horrible, horrible place, but at the same time it was really fun. And I understand why people would want to see what others think of them, but in a somewhat private way.

I think that is the hardest thing about not working anymore is that I don't get regular feedback. I used to be told every few days, or every few weeks at the most, how I was doing. Formal reviews happened twice a year, but between that I would get good job emails, or someone telling me that I missed the mark completely and needed to start over. I had clear objectives that I either hit, or didn't. I could assign a number to what I did every day.

Jules doesn't respond to much that I do, other than smiling and cooing now and then. Steve is too nice to tell me that dinner was horrible, probably because he knows he would end up cooking for a week or more. There are no metrics for motherhood, no ratings for a clean house, and nothing is ever really done.

I'm turning off comments so no one feels the need to give the obligatory You're Doing Great cheer. I don't really think I'm doing that bad. Jules is alive and growing, and generally seems pretty happy. I haven't burned the house down. Steve hasn't run away from home. But I think there is something soothing about acknowledging that sometimes, I suck at life. And it's ok.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow

For babies grow up, we have learned to our sorrow. 

So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep. 

Anniversaries

Today has been one year since we closed on our house. I can't believe it! A year ago today we signed a million signatures, were handed the keys, and then went and had lunch at Saulsalitos to celebrate. I had no idea what the next twelve months had in store for me. I had no idea I was already pregnant!

Saturday the 15th was the five year anniversary of me moving to San Antonio. Five years ago I rolled into town with everything I owned in a Uhaul, and I knew no one. The plan was to stay for a year or two, and then start a new adventure somewhere else. I had no idea I would make amazing friends, meet an amazing man, get married, buy a house, and have a baby!

It makes me wonder what the next year, and the next five years will bring! As much as I love to plan what everything will look like, I know it will turn out better if I take everything as it comes. Most of the time, what I have planned is nothing compared to what actually happens. Life can be such an exciting surprise!

Press Pause

I took this picture this morning. I had to look at it twice. Seriously, she should not be this big! It's only been three months! 

Sometimes I get so excited for her to grow up. I can't wait to help her try new foods, teach her the alphabet, take her to Sea World and the zoo. But then I want to keep her little too. I love the baby snuggles and toothless smiles.

Is it possible to press pause and fast forward at the same time??

It's Okay to be Happy With a Calm Life

I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day, and I loved it.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that being busy and stressed out doesn't mean that I'm accomplishing anything, in fact it probably means I'm not doing a good job at balancing my priorities. I also have to remind myself that I don't need to feel bad for taking the easy way out sometimes. Not every meal needs to be gourmet, not every area in my house needs to be deep cleaned every day, and not every outfit and hairstyle needs to look fabulous.

Some days having chicken and a salad for dinner is great. And some days ordering a pizza is great! Some days a nap is more important than mopping the floor. Sometimes its a sweats and ponytail kind of day.